1) Street hustlers.
Every day I walk down Washington Ave. to go to work (and back) and there are these people in green shirts with clipboards that ask me, "Do you have a minute for the environment?" I love the environment, it kicks ass... but I have no desire to be hustled for money while I'm trying to get to work. Yet EVERY TIME I walk by these people approach me, along with everyone else. I have to come up with different ways to look busy so that they won't pester me. Sometimes I pretend to be on my cell phone. Sometimes I act like I'm intently fidgeting with a button on my shirt. Sometimes I walk up and just punch them directly in the face before they can say anything to me. (OK, I haven't tried the last one yet, but it's next on my list.) Obnoxious.
2) Disappointing summer movies.
Let me preface this by making note of something else that annoys me -- then the theater shows previews for a movie that doesn't come out for like two years. They'll show some badass preview of like giant robots blowing up retirement homes with Hugo Weaving doing the voice of a missile-launching mechanical wizard, and you'll be like, "This movie looks awesome, I can't wait!" Then at the end it goes, "Coming in Summer 2013." WTF. I'll be sure to mark that on the calendar. Anyway, sometimes you'll see these previews and spend like two years building anticipation for the movie, and when it comes out it absolutely sucks. It happened with The Happening (M. Night Shyamalan rules, but the movie is currently registering like 19% on RottenTomatoes.com). It looks like it's happened with Get Smart (haven't seen it yet, but the initial preview I saw like a year ago looked hilarious and now it's getting mediocre reviews across the board). If it happens with The Dark Knight (sequel to Batman Begins), I'm going to start blowing things up.
3) The moon.
Most things in the universe serve a purpose. The sun provides us with light and heat. Trees create oxygen. Garbage cans dispose of waste. Devin makes me laugh. But what exactly is the point of the moon? It's just a big stupid rock floating around in space. It has no water, no gravity and no Sonic Drive-Thru's. Why would anyone want to go there? Every nation should combine all their nuclear powers and aim every weapon at the moon, hopefully destroying it and ridding the night sky of its worthlessness.
Showing posts with label random annoyances. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random annoyances. Show all posts
Friday, June 20, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Three Random Annoyances - Vol. 2
For Matt's viewing pleasure, another edition of Three Random Annoyances, where I lament about three things that have bothered me during the past week.
1) Cold weather.
Every morning I wake up, get dressed and head to class (or work). And it seems like each time I step outside, I feel like one of the helicopter pilots in The Day After Tomorrow (10 Blog Points to anyone who gets that reference). Seriously, it's March. These slashing icy winds and single-digit lows need to go away. Last I checked, I live in Minnesota, not Pluto.
2) Fast food joints with no public napkin dispensers.
Any restaurant that serves food should have napkins readily available to customers. To me, it is inexcusable for such an establishment to keep napkins behind the counter, forcing messy eaters to go and ask the cashier for more. Specifically, I'm talking about Subway here, although I know there are other places that engage in this shady practice. I went in there today, and I got one measly napkin with my footlong sub. This turned out to be grossly inadequate when I was scarfing down my sloppy mayo-filled sandwich. My single pathetic napkin was soaked and I needed more, but of course since there was not a napkin dispenser sitting next to the drink/condiment area, I had to assail one of the employees for more napkins. This took a while because the sandwich makers were busy, you know, making sandwiches. Are napkins really that valuable of a commodity, that Subway must horde them behind the counter and hand them out sparingly to paying customers?
3) BRETT FAVRE!
Favre retired. You might have heard. I mean, I don't think I would have been aware of this piece of news if not for the 6 billion Facebook status updates whining about it.
"We'll miss you number 4!"
"I can't believe Brett's gone!"
"Thanks for the memories!"
I also would like to thank Brett for the memories. I look back fondly on each of his 288 interceptions. Also, that time in the NFC Championship Game last year when the Packers got first ball in overtime and Brett proceeded to promptly throw the ball directly into the hands of an opponent, setting up the Giants for a game-winning field goal. Good times. And of course, there's my most recent memory of Brett, which was watching him blubber like Adam Morrison during his farewell press conference. I find it deliciously ironic that the NFL's all-time "Iron Man" can't stop himself from crying like a baby on national TV.
1) Cold weather.
Every morning I wake up, get dressed and head to class (or work). And it seems like each time I step outside, I feel like one of the helicopter pilots in The Day After Tomorrow (10 Blog Points to anyone who gets that reference). Seriously, it's March. These slashing icy winds and single-digit lows need to go away. Last I checked, I live in Minnesota, not Pluto.
2) Fast food joints with no public napkin dispensers.
Any restaurant that serves food should have napkins readily available to customers. To me, it is inexcusable for such an establishment to keep napkins behind the counter, forcing messy eaters to go and ask the cashier for more. Specifically, I'm talking about Subway here, although I know there are other places that engage in this shady practice. I went in there today, and I got one measly napkin with my footlong sub. This turned out to be grossly inadequate when I was scarfing down my sloppy mayo-filled sandwich. My single pathetic napkin was soaked and I needed more, but of course since there was not a napkin dispenser sitting next to the drink/condiment area, I had to assail one of the employees for more napkins. This took a while because the sandwich makers were busy, you know, making sandwiches. Are napkins really that valuable of a commodity, that Subway must horde them behind the counter and hand them out sparingly to paying customers?
3) BRETT FAVRE!
Favre retired. You might have heard. I mean, I don't think I would have been aware of this piece of news if not for the 6 billion Facebook status updates whining about it.
"We'll miss you number 4!"
"I can't believe Brett's gone!"
"Thanks for the memories!"
I also would like to thank Brett for the memories. I look back fondly on each of his 288 interceptions. Also, that time in the NFC Championship Game last year when the Packers got first ball in overtime and Brett proceeded to promptly throw the ball directly into the hands of an opponent, setting up the Giants for a game-winning field goal. Good times. And of course, there's my most recent memory of Brett, which was watching him blubber like Adam Morrison during his farewell press conference. I find it deliciously ironic that the NFL's all-time "Iron Man" can't stop himself from crying like a baby on national TV.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Three Random Annoyances
Three things that have annoyed me today:
1) My toaster
I hate it when I'm making toast, and when it's done it pops up but it stays pretty low in the toaster slots. So then I have to reach in and try to dig the toast out, but the medal around the toaster is extremely hot so I burn my fingers. Then I have to go get a fork and try to reach in and drag the toast out, and it gets all ripped apart. Then I realize I wasn't even making toast, I was trying to deep-fry a shark.
2) People who read while walking
I was walking around campus today behind some girl who was reading a paperback. She was zig-zagging her way around, bumping into things, and just generally moving like a drunkard. I don't know what she was reading, but I can't imagine that it's so incredibly engrossing that she can't put it down to watch where she's going.
3) Ross Perot
I realize we don't hear much about this guy anymore, and in fact for all I know he may be dead*. But Perot really grinded my gears, with his big ears and general lame-ness.
* Typing this reminded me of the time in Flight of the Conchords when Jumaine was kidnapped, and Murray solemnly acknowledged that his friend "may be dead." Except, when he said it with his cute little New Zealander accent, it sounded like he was saying "he maybe did." This confused Arj Barker's character, who repeatedly asked Murray, "Yeah, he maybe did what?" Good times. Now I must go search a labyrinth of marbles for my lost Eggo waffle.
1) My toaster
I hate it when I'm making toast, and when it's done it pops up but it stays pretty low in the toaster slots. So then I have to reach in and try to dig the toast out, but the medal around the toaster is extremely hot so I burn my fingers. Then I have to go get a fork and try to reach in and drag the toast out, and it gets all ripped apart. Then I realize I wasn't even making toast, I was trying to deep-fry a shark.
2) People who read while walking
I was walking around campus today behind some girl who was reading a paperback. She was zig-zagging her way around, bumping into things, and just generally moving like a drunkard. I don't know what she was reading, but I can't imagine that it's so incredibly engrossing that she can't put it down to watch where she's going.
3) Ross Perot
I realize we don't hear much about this guy anymore, and in fact for all I know he may be dead*. But Perot really grinded my gears, with his big ears and general lame-ness.
* Typing this reminded me of the time in Flight of the Conchords when Jumaine was kidnapped, and Murray solemnly acknowledged that his friend "may be dead." Except, when he said it with his cute little New Zealander accent, it sounded like he was saying "he maybe did." This confused Arj Barker's character, who repeatedly asked Murray, "Yeah, he maybe did what?" Good times. Now I must go search a labyrinth of marbles for my lost Eggo waffle.
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