Friday, April 4, 2008

Devin the Liar

Once I knew this kid named Devin. Good kid. Looked a little like a broken radiator, but I suppose that's to be a expected by a kid who was raised in South Korea. Anyway, me and Devin made this cool blog, and Devin (a liar by nature) told me he'd be a regular contributor. I should have taken into account at the time Devin's lying nature. There have been many examples over the years I've known him to illustrate his lying ways.

One time, he told me his middle name was "Devin." For the first four years of our friendship, I thought his name was Devin Devin Ellsworth. Seemed reasonable enough at the time. Sometimes I'd see him at school in the morning and I'd say, "What up DDE?" Little did I know that he and all his pals were laughing at me behind my back.

On another instance, he gave me a key and told me it would open any door in the country. I had no reason not to believe him; he'd always been a good friend and he was a pretty good Connect Four player. So I got in my car and made the 13-hour drive to Denver, CO, because I wanted to use the key to get into a ski rental shop and get some skis and then go skiing on a ski mountain where people ski. I got there, and naturally the key did not fit the lock. Fortunately, it was during business hours so the door was unlocked. I entered the building and said, "Two skis, please." The man said, "That will be sixty dollars, sir." I reached for my wallet and remembered that I didn't have it... I had given it to Devin before I left because he told me that bringing your wallet with you on a road trip can increase your risk for cancer. After consulting several doctors regarding the matter, I learned that, indeed, it was another classic Devin Lie.

The tales of my history with Devin and his chronic dishonesty are heart-wrenching, as I'm sure you can tell. A huge hole in my heart has been ripped open over the years. But ol' Dev could do a great deal to fix that hole by coming through on his most important promise ever and posting more often on this little blog.

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